By: Zahra Ajeng Larasati
(Based on my story)
The past is something I don’t want to relive. Getting up and trying to make peace with it took a lot of time. I started to forgive and try to forget all the humiliating betrayals that brought me down, but I didn’t just fall down.
The past is always a hard part to let go of. I know that very well. The wound of betrayal of love made it build a high wall around my heart. The trauma that I got after being betrayed made me reluctant to open my heart again to love someone. The fear that haunted me did not make me enthusiastic about learning and just broke. I will prove with this pain that I am able to rise from the pain that I have experienced so far.
“I don’t need love anymore,” I muttered softly as I looked out the window of his room, the drizzle outside reflecting the dark and cold feelings.
Entering the world of college is not a difficult thing for me, many types of achievements that I achieved during school won upwards, so I passed at my Dream University, the University of Indonesia. I am an active and friendly person to anyone. No wonder I already have some new friends on campus.
The days I spent on campus were monotonous. There were no activities that I followed at all. I was a butterfly student, which in Indonesian is “Lecture Home-Lecture Home”. However, everything changed when my friend, Teresia, invited me to join one of the campus organizations.
“Syeira, you can’t keep doing this,” said Teresia, trying to persuade me. “You’ll really lose out if you don’t join the organization. You can get to know a lot of people who will definitely add to your exciting experiences.”
“Sorry Re, I don’t think I’m interested in joining an organization yet. I just want to focus on studying,” I politely declined.
At first, I was reluctant to join, but after being urged by Teresia several times to join one of the organizations on campus, I finally tried to register, and my small decision would change everything.
As usual, when joining an organization, you will definitely follow all the work programs of the organization’s activities. From here I learned many things from helping with events, to practicing public speaking. I can also be said to be very active in carrying out organizational tasks.
However, the biggest change happened when I met Aland, a senior who was known to be very friendly and good at guiding his juniors.
“Syeira, here are some documents that you have to revise,” said Aland while handing over a folder containing documents on the member’s performance during the half-year of the management.
“Thank you,” I replied briefly. I didn’t dare look into his eyes.
“If you need help, don’t hesitate to say yes,” said Aland with a sweet smile.
Good grief
I was a little stunned to see Aland’s smile, it felt so calm and peaceful.
“Sweet,” I muttered to myself, but I quickly dismissed the thought.
“No, no! Not Syeira!” I said while patting his head gently.
It turned out that the action was seen by Aland who was in front of me, “What’s wrong with you?” asked Aland while narrowing his eyes in confusion.
“Ah, nothing,” I said and then left Aland who was still confused.
***
My relationship with Aland began to grow closer when Aland and I often worked together to prepare for the organization’s big events. That afternoon, we had to stay late in the secretariat room to discuss something.
“There are so many of these, aren’t you tired?” I asked when I saw Aland busy with his laptop compiling several proposals.
Aland smiled and turned his gaze towards me. It happened that only me and him were in the secretariat room. Some others were out buying some items for decoration and consumption.
“It’s tiring, but I believe that if we work hard, there will definitely be satisfying results.”
I could only nod in agreement.
“Besides, I enjoy working with people like you,”
I was very surprised to hear the words that came out of Aland. He did not expect that Aland, who was respected by many people, would give him such praise to me.
“Me?” I asked, as if I couldn’t believe it.
“Yes, you. I can see that you have great potential, Syeira. You just need to believe in yourself,” Aland answered, sincerely.
Those words kept ringing in my head. It might sound simple to others, but for me it was one of those moments that could break my heart.
I don’t know, her heart beats faster than usual. Is it true that I’m starting to like Aland? Everything is so hard to explain. However, I remember back to how it felt to be betrayed by her ex. I remember back to when I was just dumped. It felt so painful. I’m afraid to trust a man again. I’m afraid it will end up with the same ending.
As time went by, I felt comfortable talking to Aland. We started to chat about many things, from topics about the organization to small things about their daily lives. Not only that, but Aland also often invited me to lunch at the canteen and I accepted his invitation, however my heart could not lie, I felt comfortable when I was near Aland.
“Syeira!” called Teresia when she saw Syeira walking alone in the hallway
“Hi,” I said, waving my hand.
“I want to talk to you, let’s go to the canteen,” Teresia said and immediately pulled my wrist tightly towards the canteen near her faculty building.
After arriving at the canteen
“What’s wrong, Re?” I asked, full of questions.
“I want to ask something, but you have to answer honestly,” explained Teresia with her gaze directed at Syeira.
“What do you think Teresa wants to ask?” I said to myself.
I nodded slowly, “Yes, I will answer honestly,” I replied confidently.
“Do you like Aland?”
The question that came out of Teresia’s mouth really surprised me. I really didn’t expect Teresia to ask me that.
“I often see you looking at Aland, so I can conclude that you like Aland,”
I immediately fell silent when I heard Teresia’s explanation, Aland’s act of stealing glances secretly, now it turns out Teresia knows about it too
“Ah, no way, you must have seen it wrong,” I tried to deny it.
“Don’t lie Ra, we are friends. I have known you since we first entered this university,”
I became more and more silent, I was confused about what to answer.
“Tell me, if you really like Aland,”
Teresia kept on pressuring me to answer, that was her character, she liked to press someone to follow what she wanted and desired.
“I can’t answer ‘yes’ yet because I’m still doubtful about everything with love,”
Hearing those words, Teresia chuckled softly. “Syeira, you know what? Aland is my cousin. Since childhood we often played together. So, I know very well what Aland’s character is like,”
Teresia’s explanation surprised me greatly, “Aland is your cousin?” I asked her.
“Yes Syeira, sorry I’m just telling you now,”
“So?” I asked with a frown
“I definitely know about Aland. He… likes you, Syeira,” Teresia explained confidently. While I could see there was no lie in Teresia’s eyes.
“Are you speaking correctly?” I asked to make sure.
Flashback on
Teresia walked towards the parking lot to hurry home.
“Hey, whose wallet is this?” said Teresia when she found a brown wallet fallen around the campus parking lot.
Teresia then opened the wallet and...
“Hey, this belongs to Aland,” she said when she saw the ID card clearly displayed in the wallet.
But wait, Teresia saw something in Aland’s wallet that surprised her. A photo of a woman.
“Hey, this is a photo...”
Flashback Off
“I will support you if you also like Aland, Aland never plays around with his feelings, trust me, Syeira,” said Teresia reassuringly.
“Forget your past that traumatized you, it only drains your energy. Open your heart and let the Light come in to illuminate your future, you deserve to be happy, Syeira. Don’t let the past hinder your steps towards happiness,”
“You two are a perfect match,” Teresia continued with an amused giggle.
— -
I think my relationship with Aland is getting closer. Aland is always there and tries to give me things that make me happy. In my eyes, Aland is someone special. I really admit that Aland is the one who erased my wounds from the past. Everything has changed, even though there is still a feeling of fear and trauma I don’t know how to explain. My feeling of being near Aland is always comfortable and happy. Aland is so sincere to me, without demanding more. I think I’m starting to love him.
Right now, Aland and I are sitting on a park bench with a view of the lake.
“Syeira,” Aland said softly. “I don’t know how you feel, but I want you to know that with you my life becomes more meaningful,” Aland said sincerely.
I looked into Aland’s eyes trying to find sincerity there. Deep inside me, I knew that I couldn’t live in the shadow of the past.
I was so nervous, “I don’t know if I can love Aland perfectly,” I gulped. “But I want to try, with you.”
Aland smiled sweetly. “Yes Syeira, we can learn together, I’m sure we can. I love you.
“I love you too, Aland”
I felt a warm grip on my hand, it felt so happy.
“I will not hurt you, Syeira, trust me. I will continue to protect you. I want to continue to be by your side,” Aland said seriously.
I couldn’t say anything, I could only smile in front of Aland.
Their days after that were full of happiness. Syeira learns that love is not about perfection, but about accepting and growing together. With Aland, he rediscovers his sense of trust and the courage to open his heart.
Believe that love cannot change the past, but love can erase wounds and is the best tool for healing. Showing that affection can heal a broken soul.
Syeira believes that with new love and affection, her wounds will heal, we just need to forget the past and start a new life.
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